Choices.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..." (Isaiah 61:1)

The start of a journey is always exciting.

There are dozens of decisions to be made and things to be organised. Not to mention the worry; what if it all goes wrong?  Should I really be taking this risk?

Fear is an undeniable factor in my life. I think about things too much, instead of just going for it. So many "what ifs" float around in my head that it's a wonder I ever get anything done. This is exaggerated when the thing I'm worrying about is particularly huge. Choosing to go to South Africa was no exception.

Before I begin this story, I should probably make it clear that I am a Christian. I believe in a God who is good, just and faithful, and, ultimately, a God who is love. I believe that Jesus (100% man, 100% God) came to Earth to be the ultimate sacrifice, to fulfil the Old Testament laws, so that we could be reunited with God in a relationship that our sin had broken. I believe that God has a plan for my life, and as such, I am learning about what that means for me, and striving to live this out day to day. I realise that this might seem crazy and unimaginable, but, to be honest, that's just God all over.

In light of this, some of what I write in this blog will reflect my beliefs. I am going to South Africa to serve with a Christian charity, so part of what I'll be doing will be based in church. But, please don't feel like I'm forcing you to agree with all that I say. This is just my story.

The idea of going to South Africa had been floating around in my head for a while; having been once before, in a different kind of setting, I felt like I had some kind of attachment to the country, and always wanted to go back. I guess that, up until now, I just haven't had the guts to do anything about it. However, as I came to the end of my second year of university, it suddenly dawned on me that this period of my life is going to be coming to a close. I'm not saying that everything stops after you graduate; that you find a job, get married, have children and that's it. But this is, potentially, the final long summer that I'm going to have when I'm not going to be thinking about finding a job or working. So, I figured I should really do something with it.

After having this realisation, it still took me a couple of months to actually do anything about it. The thought of South Africa was always in the back of my mind, but I was scared to jump in, in case it all fell apart. Then, people started to talking to me about stepping out in faith and taking a risk. As per usual, my response was "that's nice, but I'm not sure that applies to me, in my situation". Wrong answer. So I continued umm-ing and ahh-ing. Then, one week, during which I had prayed about this a lot, God gave me a nice big flashing sign, which makes a change. Well, there wasn't literally a sign, but I went to a Christian Union meeting (which I was actually debating whether I could be bothered to make the trip up to campus for) and the speaker gave a talk on international mission. It finally dawned on me.

This isn't an option, or a choice. It's a priority.
It's not about me, wanting to do something with my summer. It's about God wanting justice for His world.

Throughout the bible God talks about how we need to serve people, and speak for those who haven't got a voice to speak for themselves. Isaiah 61 is just one example of this. If I was going to live my life fully for God, then this should be something I care about. Full stop.

Revelation number two; if this something that God cares about, and this is where He wants me to go, then He's going to get me there. He'll put me on the right plane, at the right time, and ensure all the money comes in and everything comes together. He has anointed small, seemingly insignificant me to do this. This matters to Him. He's not going to let it all fall to pieces. All that fear is unnecessary, and it's not from God. All I have to do is take a leap of faith (excuse the cliche) and trust him.

So that's what I did. I sent off my application, and now I'm 6 weeks away from going to another continent. Am I scared? Yes. I'm only human. But I've given this to Him, and so far, He hasn't let me down yet. At this point in my life, this is something He is calling me to do.

And who am I to argue with the God of the Universe?