So, yet again, I have been neglecting this blog a little. Since I last wrote, I have moved back to uni, started third year, began research for my final year experiment, and caught and recovered from freshers flu. Again. However, 3 weeks into term, I still have no internet connection in my flat. This is not going to change for the next month. However, I have bought a TV license. So yeah, that's my life in a nutshell.
The start of term has been difficult, to say the least. Having had one of the most wonderful summers of my life, I found myself back at the start of September attempting to squeeze my life into my dad's Fiat Panda (yeah...that was unsuccessful. Roofboxes were a fantastic invention). I was going back and, for the first time in three years at university, I was apprehensive. Home was a safe haven, compared to what I was heading toward. In just 9 months, that'll be it. Life as I know it will change entirely, and, quite frankly, I'm scared. I'll be in the big bad world, and, at the moment, I don't really know what that means for me. I don't where I'll be, what I'll be doing, who will be in my life. It's a bit of a blank canvas.
I spent a few weeks wallowing in uncertainty, and wishing I could turn back time and do it again. I then felt bad about the wallowing, as I'm not really in a position to wallow; I will have a degree under my belt, with opportunities some people can only dream of, and, perhaps most of all, I am extremely blessed to have a family who will look after me whatever. I would then wallow about how I shouldn't be wallowing, and so, the cycle would begin again.
So, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. The essence of my rambling is that I was scared about what I would be doing and where after I graduate. I still am. But the past couple of weeks, God has kind of given me a much needed kick up the backside.
Firstly, he has surrounded me with rainbows. Yes, rainbows. In Genesis (chapter 9 to be exact), after the great flood, and Noah, and the ark, and the animals (you know the story), God promises Noah that never again will he destroy all life on the Earth. To mark this promise (or covenant) God put his rainbow in the sky, as a reminder of his everlasting covenant. A reminder that God always keeps his promises. He promises me a future; he promises me rest; ultimately, he promises me a hope.
So, God keeps his promises. Great. That's all very well, but how do I know I can trust this? It's called faith. The last couple of weeks I have heard plenty of stories of people just going for it, and God coming through at the last minute. Even myself, as I umm-ed and ahh-ed about booking a ticket for a conference because I didn't know if I could find somewhere to stay. I went for it. I booked the ticket, and, sure enough, that same evening possible solutions seemed to appear. I don't understand why God likes leaving things to the last minute; maybe he finds it funny, or maybe it's simply a case of us choosing to trust him first.
Finally, God has spoken to me a lot about restfulness. In Matthew 6, he tells us we don't need to worry. Seek him, and everything else will sort itself out. I think it's time I started listening. God comes to us in our brokenness, when we realise we need him to sort our mess out. So, that's what I'm going for. Yes, I'm still scared about what's to come in June; I don't know where I'll end up. But I'm not scared about whether it will work out. God will put me exactly where he wants me, even if I don't figure it out myself.
Until then, I will sit tight. Third year: bring it on.
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