Thoughts on Singleness

"According to Greek Mythology, humans were created with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves." - Plato

I've read this quote so many times. Initially, I thought it was actually quite a nice idea, that there is someone out there for everyone, and that when you find them, the two of you will make a powerful combination. I like that. However, on reflection, it's actually ridiculous.

It's ridiculous how much this idea is engrained into our culture. Not in the sense of humans having eight limbs, but in the idea that we are not whole, that we are incomplete unless we are part of a pair.

I cannot count the number times I have sat in a room surrounded by people discussing their successful, or failed romantic relationships. Friends, family, whatever. Eventually, the conversation turns around to me, with the dreaded question: "So, anyone special in your life?". Yes, the phrasing differs. Usually it is asked from a place of genuine interest or concern, from people who want me to be happy. My answer is always some variation of "no, but I'm okay with that", met with "you've got plenty of time" and the conversation usually moves on.

Firstly, thank you for reminding me of my apparent undesirability. I can't even tell you of a failed date, or someone who has expressed even the slightest romantic interest in me, because there hasn't been any.

Secondly, my question to you is, why does it matter? Why do you want/expect there to be 'someone special' in my life?

I refuse to believe that I am unworthy, that I am second-rate, that I am incomplete because I am single. I refuse to feel that way about myself. I refuse to be waiting or looking for my 'other half' as if I can't function without them, or that life is only full if I am seeing someone, whether they are right for me or not.

Because, newsflash, this isn't true. I enjoy being single. I enjoy not having someone else to think of when I make decisions. I like not having any commitments. I have had twenty years to figure out me, on my own, and I am only just starting to grasp that my value does not come from whether someone fancies me or not. Single does not equal lonely. I can have an impact on my city, and make a difference on my own, thank you very much; I am in no way half a person just because I do not have a boyfriend.

This is not to say that being in a relationship is a negative thing. It isn't. It is most definitely a positive thing. It is exciting and wonderful. God did not make us to do life on our own. But a relationship does not make a person complete. A relationship should be two already complete people sharing their completeness with each other, complementing each other, and acting together, out of their two wholes. Imagine what a force that would be! But I think this only works if both parties believe that they are each whole in the first place.

Singleness is not a secondary state, and I refuse to be pressured into believing that it is.